I think when I go in for my next annual exam I’ll say, “Please give me something that . . .

• stops baby makin’
• takes weight off
• increases drive
• gives me energy
• puts me in a good mood
• makes me beautiful
• gives me a unicorn"

Is that so much to ask?

I grimace and bite my lip as I overhear, "If I have to hear another teacher complain about how little they get paid when they have 3 months off - ugh!"

Because I'm sure this dolt knows that teachers usually have inservices at the beginning and end of the year. They need to keep up on their certifications and take additional training during the summer. They've worked enough during the school year through: staying after, tutoring, humoring angry parents, fielding calls at all hours, preparing lesson plans on their own time, working weekends, grading papers and researching, to make up for those few extra weeks off by 10 fold.

So, suck it and hug a teacher today!

There is no question, when it comes to sex and fertility, who really has to have the ultimate responsibility over it. The oopses and the accidents only land, ultimately in one person's hands or wombs as it may be. Here I am proclaiming the lifelong, girl-long cry of unfairness. It's self pity really. It's like crying because I have boobs and they sometimes suck. It's like crying because I have spontaneous bleeding from a place I don't care to mention and we all know, THAT SUCKS.
It's like crying over Love Story and we don't really know why, or how it sucked us in but it did and so I cry and that sucks too.

We arrived back home no earlier than 2:30 in the a.m. today. Through the Badlands, through sheets of rain, through bitchin lightning, through hours of stretches of roads with no public restrooms and signs promoting 24 hr. gas stations that no longer existed. Through 2 playings of a new DVD of Little Einsteins at midnight.

Now, home to our fungus den from the stronghold of damp due to a week's ago flooding. Home to our own beds, home to our own yard, home to our own park, home to our own lonely cats, home to our own messes that we have to clean up ourselves instead of placing a tiny sign on our front door reading "Pick up After me."

Home Sweet Dank Home : ) it's good to be back.

1 beautiful wedding
17 - times a lovely moment comes to a screaching halt as my children take over the show
1 canister of wagon wheels decimated
3 meals rejected in favor of above canister of wagon wheels
3 times I navigate myself and don't get lost

adios

3 freakouts: it's in dispute on whose they were
1 parrot sounding as though it were in the final throws of labor
1/2 a session of alligator wrestling (only slightly violent)
Dozen waterslide rides
1 general long wailing session because water should never, NEVER fall ON you
2 Red Stripe
1 bottle of Chianti
1 meal out of everything that has a shell in the ocean, sans children

First family of four vacation

In 1 full day we've accomplished:
2 sets of rags - used to resemble childrens' clothing
7 freakouts - not all by toddler
the glory of a portable dvd player
2 park breaks
1 picnic
1 on-the-road pumping session
1 black eye
37 mosquito bites (from in the car)
midnight snack of: 3 Amberbock, 1 strawberry Pop-Tart, 1 bag of Jalapeno Cheddar Kettle Chips, 1 box Junior Mints

Toyota Echo: 13.6 cubic feet
2 adults: 6 cubic feet
2 children under 3: 2 cubic feet
luggage for adult: 2 cubic feet
luggage for 2 children under 3: 15 cubic feet

Something doesn't quite compute . . .

Our basement took in water due to nearly 7 1/2 inches of rain that fell mostly in a 5 hr. period. Now we are in clean-up mode which isn't easy when working opposite shifts and having 2 kids under the age of 3. Last night me mum stopped by to watch the little'uns so The Hub and I could get down-'n-dirty in the least fun of ways.

Scenario: Our drying basement of which I only use the laundry facilities and a bit of the storage area - otherwise it is the resting place for a 1/2-dozen-per-week collection of advanced reader copies (books) that have been collected over a 13 year period, among other collections.

There are some things we don't work well together on (I know this) - it's pretty silly and ridiculous so I've at least acknowledged the humor in it. Examples:

"So I'll move these there and then we can move the shelves out."
"NO, we'll cut out this carpet then all we have to do is scootch these over."
"So we could probably take those there and throw this out."

"What are those?" (Rolled up papers)
"Posters."
"Of what?"
"Lord of the Rings."
"Um, and we need them?"
"YES."
"For what?"
"To sell or something." (we could have had that same conversation 500000 times over just fill in the blanks)

"I know what the name for your book sale could be."
"What - grrrr."
"For sale: Every Book You've Never Heard Of"
"Ha - no, this'll be the name (farts)"

Incredible downpours waterlogged our fair city and the surrounding areas. Up to 9.44" were reported in some spots. Our area received just shy of 7.5".
"Is your basement flooded?" is the sarcastic one-liner everyone has the inside joke on.

Just why, WHY are there basements even? We did all build on a swamp. The most head-shaking aspect I've found is that all the houses that are about 100 yrs. or more are all built - and still standing - in one area and all the new developments with their triple-digit price tags are in floodplain area. Did our great-grandma/pas know more than we did about the laws of water and where it will flow? I guess needing to redecorate your living quarters at least every 3 years does have it's up side.

Ok, it's too early to get snarky, it is terrible - but everyone is safe and the most inspiring aspect is watching everyone, as a community, pulled together - quite humbly - by Mother Nature.

Some of my most important decisions are whether to hold on or let go.

I hold on to:
- The fact that family is most important
- Hands while crossing the street
- A fussy baby for comfort
- My toddler a little tighter knowing her dependency on me won't last
- The knowledge of where I came from is fundamental in me teaching them
- That relationships at any age will always and should always have value
- The idea that my children will be their own people

I let go:
- Of his little hand so he learns to walk on his own
- Of the adage that children should not be heard
- The idea that cake, ice cream, pie or cookies are not occasional breakfast foods
- Stabbing words a child says during times of frustration or tiredness
- So they learn to work out problems or disputes on their own
- Of the idea that cleanliness is next to godliness; god doesn't have much time for fun anyway
- When boredom sets in and the kitchen cupboards are white and there are paintbrushes and paint not getting used
- And they may fall, but they had tried

What does "Real Mom" hold true for you?

"Enter the Real Mom Truths contest! The winner will receive this amazing 4G iPod Nano and Chocolate gift set, plus a link to their post on True Mom Confessions on Mother's Day"

Thanks Neno - beautiful idea.

A very linear thought process - when it comes to kids, I'm finding - isn't as feasible as I thought. I would have one and they a sibling (and them a sibling in return) and that would be good, it would be done with in a very permanent way if left up to me, then I could put that part of life behind me and in 5 yrs. go back to school. I could also change my work hours so that I actually saw my "roommate" from time to time. The kids would go to school and then leave and we'd be young enough to enjoy some "us" time - time to travel, time to pursue a level of selfishness we hadn't been able to for quite some time, etc. This is me, practical - planning every nuance - pretending control is in my hands.

But, hesitation creeps in with every tiny onesie I put in a rummage or storage box - I won't see it wrapped around a chubby baby bum and there won't be any more drooly, bubbly stains added. I won't see this scrap of a skirt twirl around again. I won't get to watch the tiny piglet toes be freed from this tiny leather booty. Permanency is quite daunting. It's bittersweet to close a chapter, let alone throw it completely away and move on to the next. So, I guess for now, we will close it gently but leave a bookmark in case we want to find this place again. A cycle of lines?